I love summer.
I’m afraid I’m not going to get the kind of job I’m looking for, in a reasonably short amount of time.
I love Cody.
I fear I won’t make any friends here, in a town the size of my hometown but without the convenience of growing up together or a nearby city.
I love gardening. Even though I’m not convinced how it will turn out, I love having the space to finally try it.
I love living with my boyfriend.
I fear my lack of employment will eventually put a strain on our relationship. I fear I’ll be resented for not financially contributing (though obviously that would change once I have a job, and, for the record, he’s been the most supportive and reassuring).
I fear breaking up a little bit more now, because our relationship keeps meaning more and more to me.
I love not having to think about credits and other mundane things that my old job required.
I love the possibility that lies ahead.
I also fear it.
I love living walking distance to the grocery store, hardware store, library, lake, and park.
I love my adventurous spirit.
Sometimes I curse it.
Life would be simpler if I could view a job as a means to an end.
But I’m still glad I don’t.
I love my cactus plant. That’s a random one, but it’s true.
I love looking through old journal entries and seeing how my hopes became realities and my worries went away.
I love being reminded that better things have always been on the horizon after the storms of months and years.
I am terrified of more storms, even though I know the above to be true.
I love my family and friends and staying close to them through talking on the phone and facetiming.
I worry that all this distance could result in having no one left if shit were to ever really hit the fan.
I love that I’m feeling healthier and gaining weight back.
I fear getting into a job situation that changes my immediate wellness. I fear not being able to set the emotional and physical boundaries to sustain myself over time, regardless of the work environment.
I love that we have a backyard.
I love these blue skies.
I love Barbara Kingsolver.
I love that, at any point, I can write my next chapter.